Big trouble at the Fed

This is a classic 80s film destined to be remade into an economic thriller.

Our hero, Jack Burton, an eternally worldly innocent, is thrust into a dark world of supernatural economics.

"This here's the Pork Chop Express, and I tell ya--a guy would have to be crazy to 

think that the global reserve currency could be completely unbacked"

In a New York back alley, mysterious lights and storms appear out of a clear blue sky. Dollar No Pan, an old, old currency, stricken by the curse of no backing, seeks his redemption by marrying a green-backed girl.

"The guys in the red turbans? Bond vigilantes. Somehow No Pan controls them.

Don't make a sound, Jack! These guys are animals!"

"Yes, Mr. Burton--when Nixon closed the gold window I was struck by the curse of no backing!

But once l marry a green-backed girl, I shall receive backing from the IMF via SDRs and rule the world from beyond the grave!"

For inexplicable reasons, the old geezer keeps turning into a floating, fleshless monstrosity with unearthly powers. He can't touch or be touched in this state (as he is backed by nothing), but dreams of continuing his role as the world reserve currency forever.

"Once I marry her, I will rule the world!"

There are those who would resist the plans of Dollar No Pan.

"Don't worry, Jack. We have been accumulating gold for years."

Jack Burton and friends infilitrate the No Pan estate attempting to rescue the green-backed girl and discover the truth behind the unbacked currency.

"Our trading positions are all underwater! Damn that HFT!"

"Hey, I used to know this guy. He said he would bust those Goldman Sachs algos!"

 

"What's this? - "Black blood of the FED."

"You mean oil?" - "No! Black blood of the FED!"

Deep underground in No Pan's lair--they prepare for the final conflict.

"Drink these! They will allow you to see things no one else sees. Even out-trade HFT algos!"

"We want a gold-backed currency and we're willing to fight for it!"

"By the power of Alan Greenspan, I will defeat you!"

 

"No! I don't want to marry you! Try Ellen Brown!"