Should Canada and the US merge . . . (updated)

. . . like Diane Francis asks?

No.

Sure, I could use the money. But I think in her calculations she has neglected to consider the extra costs to Canadians, like having to roughly double our per capita medical expenditures. Not to mention we might have to start pulling our weight in military adventurism around the globe. We might have to close our embassy in Cuba.

There's an old song I remember hearing from way back. The words used to be on the internet years ago, but I can't find them now. Unfortunately, on my copy the first line is garbled, so I'm not sure of the wording.

There's a fine country called America don't you know,
Just take a look at your atlas, it's the one that's down below.
There's fifty states in the union and something should be done,
To forget the war of 1812 and make it fifty-one.

There'll be colour television,
Social security,
Racial segregation and the Birch Society;
You can take the fifth amendment,
You can vote for LBJ,
You can even burn your draft card when we're Canada, USA.

Now some folks think we're English, which isn't true at all;
And some t'ink we're a colony that's run by Charles de Gaulle;
But we're looking up to greater things upon the glorious day,
When the capitol of our little state is Ottawa, CA.

There'll be colour television,
Social security,
Racial segregation and the Birch Society;
You can cheer for Jimmy Hoffa,
You can join the Klan today;
You can even be a Commie when we're Canada USA.

There's a bunch of stripes and fifty stars upon the Yankee flag,
There's gonna have to be fifty one when Canada's in the bag,
But when we see the flag unfurl, we'll know we've won the fight,
We'll be just before Connecticut in the third row from the right.

There'll be colour television,
Social security,
Racial segregation and the Birch Society;
You can take the fifth amendment,
You can vote for LBJ,
You can even burn your draft card when we're Canada, USA.

We'll all be much more affluent in the Great Society,
Their buck is worth $1.10 in Canadian currency,
The economy's going to get a boost for it's very evident,
That it costs us more to feed a Queen than pay a President.

There'll be colour television,
Social security,
Racial segregation and the Birch Society;
You can cheer for Jimmy Hoffa,
You can join the Klan today;
You can even be a Commie when we're Canada USA.

There'll be no more selling prairie wheat to all the commie crew,
There'll be no more Cuban sugar--that's very naughty too,
But think of all the benefits that surely have to come
When we're citizens of a country that's got the atom bomb!

There'll be colour television,
Social security,
Racial segregation and the Birch Society;
You can take the fifth amendment,
You can vote for LBJ,
You can even burn your draft card when we're Canada, USA.

Update: Just need to update that last chorus a bit:

There'll be welfare cheques and foodstamps,
Homeland Security,
The NSA on Google
And the end of privacy,
You can take the fifth amendment,
Get Obamacare today,
You can even shoot Iraqis when we're Canada, USA!